Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
