I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
