her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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