My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Randomize
