Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
