I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I smell stomach acid.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
