you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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