The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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