i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
