Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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