she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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