Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
