I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
