It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
