does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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