3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
