There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
