Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
