6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
