the condom got lost in my hair
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
