If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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