Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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