I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Where is the hickey?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
