Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
