She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
