We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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