how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
