i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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