yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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