you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
