We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
