If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
