so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
