do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
