I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
