hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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