worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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