thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
