We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
