i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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