the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
