If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
