Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
