i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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