My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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