Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
