Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
