Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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