Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
