so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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