I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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