I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize