after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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