why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
