Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
