I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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