he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
