in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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