So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
