I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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