hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
