we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize