So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
