I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
