The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
