I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize