my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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