its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
