my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
