You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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