The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
