You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
