I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
