drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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