He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
