so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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