She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
