I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
