I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
