yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
