well I can't set my house on fire every night
one might say we're banned from that church
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
