omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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