Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize