Please, let me fuck your mom
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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