living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
