my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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