lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
