You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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