Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
