I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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