That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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