69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
