I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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