apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
