1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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