it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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