i permit you to call me
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
