Quick, to the slutcave!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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