That's intense
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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