What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
