you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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