everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
