I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
