Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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